Curveballs

Here we are, yet again. I’m allowing life to get in the way of consistent writing. But, the thing is, that’s what life is. It’s a thousand little moments that change your path every day. And it’s usually the right move to follow the path.

Did I want to get this new book finished in under five months? I absolutely did. Would I trade the time I spent with my family over the last few months to accomplish that? Nope. Have there been distractions I would trade? You bet (Looking at you Norovirus!). But, I’m still on schedule to publish in April and that is so amazing to me! If I’m able to hit publish on my planned release day of April 11th, then I will have completed a book, start to finish, in 6 months, one week, and one day. How freaking awesome is that???

It’s more shocking than anything. And the fact that I now know I’m capable of that just validates my decision to self publish instead of trying to traditionally publish. Now, there are people who can churn out a book in six weeks or less, and I am in awe of that (and a little jealous). But my timeline isn’t someone else’s timeline. It took me over a year to write my first book and that was a HUGE accomplishment for me. Would I love to write a book a month? Absolutely!!! I love the shiny new objects! But, I want to feel like I did my best, and in this season of my life, I’m not comfortable with the sacrifices I would have to make to write a book a month. And that’s OKAY. I make my own deadlines. While I want to stick to them, I also don’t want to burn out. Now, I’m determined that I can find a silver lining in anything. Getting sick with adenovirus, and norovirus, has slowed me down so that I’m not suffering from burn out on this new book. I’m suffering from stress, for sure, but it’s nothing like I went through with 99 Days. I guess I’m just more chill this time around.

Here’s the thing. Now that I know more about the publishing process, I also know that until I set up my preorder, I can change my deadline. And that’s an awesome feeling. Not because I want to continue to push it back. I don’t. I’m ready to get it done! But, if I need to take an extra week because my son needs me, or my husband wants to spend the weekend together doing something fun, I can. That’s the kind of balance we ALL need in our lives. No matter what your vocation is, you deserve to be able to take a step back when you need to. NO job is worth your health, mental or physical. Neither is it worth missing out on moments you can’t get back. I say (type?) that, because I’ve seen too much burn out and too many creative people give up because they felt they needed to. And that makes me really sad.

I’m very fortunate that when I clock out, I get to leave my job at work. I can take care of my health and go to the doctor when I need to. I can take a day off once in a while to take care of myself when I need to. And boy did I need it a few weeks ago. I enjoyed a wonderful day of doing nothing and it dropped the overwhelming feeling I had from a 9 to about a 3.

I say that, not to brag about my situation, but to encourage anyone who needs to hear (read?) it, take time for yourself. Even if it’s 10 minutes after work in the car. Take some deep breaths, and forget about everything you feel like you should be doing. For that few minutes put yourself as your top priority. Lord knows, we don’t do that enough, but give it a try. You’ll be amazed at what shutting the world out can do.

After my glorious day of laying in bed doing nothing, I felt like I could take on the world again, and I did. I got back at my writing, and I got back to work with a much better attitude. Am I 100%? Not even close. But I don’t feel heavy and exhausted like I did. And I want to point out that I wasn’t overwhelmed by my job, or by my book, or by being a mom to an infant, or even the massive pile of laundry that kept staring at me from the kitchen. But when ALL that was rolled up together I found myself at a breaking point. And I almost broke. It’s truly astounding what we can have barreling down on us before we get to a point that we can’t take it anymore. But, what I learned from that experience was that I need to not let myself get to that point. So, I decided to do something about it.

I’m using my vacation time differently this year. I’m not using it for doctor’s appointments and days of running errands like I have in the past. I’m using sick time for the doctor, and I’m just going to have to run those errands on different days. I’ve scheduled out my vacation time to relax. And I know I’m blessed to be able to do that. I recognize how fortunate that I am to even have paid days off. And I’m going to use them for my health, so that I don't find myself in a bad predicament again.

I realize that I’m talking (typing?) a lot about putting myself first, but I can’t take care of the most valuable people in my life if I’m not taking care of myself. And, we are all allowed to make ourselves a priority once in a while. I don’t know who needs to hear (read?) this, but it’s okay to come first. Take care of yourself, and don’t let anyone make you feel like you shouldn’t.